Special Education for Beginners | Managing Paraprofessionals, Special Education Strategies, First Year Sped Teachers, Special Ed Overwhelm, Paperwork for Special Education Teachers

How the Brain Impacts Behavior & What You Can Do About It

• Episode 227

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Welcome back to our month-long focus on behavior management in the special education classroom.

In this episode, we’re digging into the science behind student behavior with special guest Sam Parmelee. This isn’t your typical conversation about clip charts and consequences. We’re talking about regulation, relationships, and the real reasons behind challenging behavior.

We know that classroom behavior can be one of the most overwhelming parts of a special education teacher’s job, and often the one we feel least prepared for. That’s why this episode focuses on brain-based regulation and a powerful framework that helps educators respond to behavior with clarity, compassion, and confidence.

Sam shares what every educator should know about the amygdala, the prefrontal cortex, and how our brains process stress, threats, and relationships. We also explore why so many behavior plans fail (hint: it’s not just about the students) and why emotional regulation is just as important for adults as it is for kids.

💡 What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

  • Why understanding brain function is essential to supporting behavior
  • Why we need to stop asking dysregulated students to “think about their choices”
  • How to regulate yourself first, especially in heated moments
  • Practical tools for improving staff buy-in to behavior plans
  • The CALM technique Sam uses to guide de-escalation
  • The difference between responding to behavior vs. reacting to it

🔧 Strategies You Can Use Tomorrow:

  • Use the phrase “This behavior is happening in front of me, not to me” to help emotionally detach in the moment.
  • Teach your team the CALM acronym: Connect, Affirm, Listen, My Plan.
  • Normalize the idea that behavior interventions, like academics, require collaboration, data, and adaptability.
  • Provide staff with the tools they need to implement plans—think timers, visuals, checklists.
  • Host team discussions that change the narrative around student behavior from “defiance” to “a skill that hasn’t been taught yet.”

📘 Article Mentioned:
Sam’s article on Emotional De-escalation (Edutopia):
Read it here

📱 Follow Sam on Social Media
 @theedqueen on instagram, facebook & tik tok!

The ED Queen Website

🧠 Resource Mentioned:

125 Behavior Strategies

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Speaker 1:

Hey there, welcome back to Special Education for Beginners. I'm so glad you are here because we are ready for week two of our September series, where we are focusing on all things behavior, from prevention to regulation and everything in between. Let's be honest behavior management is one of the biggest challenges we face as special educators, and while we often get tools and strategies thrown at us left and right, very few people are talking about the role the brain plays in behavior. We are expected to manage meltdowns, support regulation and teach replacement skills, but no one really stopped to teach us how the brain impacts those behaviors in the first place, and that's what today's episode is all about. In just a minute, I'll be joined by an incredible guest, sam Parmalee, who is deeply knowledgeable about behavior, brain science and how educators can respond with regulation instead of reacting from frustration. You might already follow Sam on Instagram and, if you do, you know how passionate and practical her content is when it comes to supporting students with challenging behaviors. So, whether you are brand new to the field or a veteran teacher still trying to figure out what to do when a student goes into fight, flight or freeze, this conversation will give you real insight, helpful strategies and some seriously empowering mindset shifts.

Speaker 1:

Let's get to it. Hey, special educator, are you overwhelmed by the absurd amount of paperwork on your to-do list? Do you wish you had the skills to build a rock-solid team with your staff? Do you find yourself scouring the internet for how to meet the needs of each student on your caseload? Well, hey there.

Speaker 1:

I'm Jennifer Hofferberg, an award-winning veteran special education teacher and current instructional coach, who has walked in your shoes through each of these challenges and, yes, I have the metaphorical blisters to prove it. I have cried your tears and felt your pain, and now I'm here to support you in the way I wish someone would have been there to support me. Listen in each week as my guests and I dish out practical wisdom to help you handle all the classroom curveballs that are thrown at you and learn how to laugh in spite of the chaos, to celebrate those small yet significant victories that only a special educator can understand. So are you ready? Wipe your tears and put on your superhero cape, because together we are going to learn how to survive and thrive in the ever crazy, completely overwhelming laugh. So you don't cry. Profession of being a special education teacher. Well, hello, sam, it's great to have you join us today. Hi, jennifer, it's so glad to be here. I'm so excited to chat today.

Speaker 1:

So this month we are focusing on behavior management in the classroom and I can't think of anyone better to help us tackle this issue than you. I've been following you on Instagram for a while and I can tell how passionate you are about supporting teachers who are facing challenging student behaviors, and I'm so happy that we are finally able to collaborate. But before we begin, would you start by introducing yourself and sharing a little bit about your background in special education?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, absolutely so. I was a ED self-contained teacher for eight years. I am based here in Indiana and so I did that, and I'm currently in a role as a behavioral consultant for our district. So we service about a little over 10,000 students currently, so I service pre-K through 12. I work alongside our director's team or our central office special education team leadership team. So, yeah, this will be my fourth year in the role at this time, so I love it, super excited, and I love being able to collaborate with all the people.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, so you're the person they call in whenever there's a significant behavior going on, right?

Speaker 2:

Yes, I am the person to work alongside people. I have a unique role in a sense that I also have seven instructional assistants who work for me. So they're district level instructional assistants and they go around and work with our students, who are really challenging to build skills, so I could not do the job without them. Our par professionals, instructional assistants, make the world go around.

Speaker 1:

That is right. Well, I know today you want to talk about some brain-based regulation strategies and I think that it's surprising that, despite the importance of brain-based regulation and managing classroom behavior, that this area isn't always covered extensively in traditional teacher education programs, or at least it wasn't when I went to college, which was given a long time ago, but even as a college professor now, it's not something that within my textbooks that I discuss anything at length. So could you just start by explaining why brain-based regulation is essential for effective behavior management in the classroom?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, that's a great question. And going off your point, I think as we think about the way behavior management or managing student behavior has changed, we really have to think and evolve. How are we going to change our practices to match that? I think many of our teachers can agree. We're getting more challenging students in situations and families who are going through so much hardship, and so at some point we do have to pivot and say what do we need to do differently to serve this population? So I think it's so important when we think about challenging student behavior, one way to change what we believe about it is thinking about it through the brain-based sense, and so when we understand what the brain is doing or what's happening to the brain during those challenging moments, it's a little easier for us to sympathize or empathize with our students, but also to really meet them where they're at and view their behavior as an unmet need as opposed to an act of defiance or I'm intentionally doing this. So it really is a helpful mindset shift for our teachers.

Speaker 1:

I agree that there's the perception that there's so many more students like this, but I think that we just we have to do better about changing our methodologies and our practices. So I think that having this conversation is very important and I can see how better understanding our students can significantly alter our responses as teachers and making those responses more about supporting students to transition out of those high alert statuses that they're in and back to a state where they can engage with logical reasoning and consequences effectively. So, in your experience, sam, what are some effective strategies for educators to regulate their own emotions and their own stress levels Because teachers are feeling the stress as well right now and just to help them de-escalate challenging situations with students?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, that's a great question, and so I think what it's really important to think about is there are really two components of the brain that really manage or shift our student behaviors, and so I think it's always important to understand what part of the brain that we're working with. And so, when cancer and behavior, there are really two pieces of the brain that are pivotal in those behavioral moments. One is the amygdala, and the amygdala is the area or the hub of the brain for kids that helps them process emotions, and that's primarily the part of the brain that's that fight, flight or freeze response, and so when we have those kids who have those big outbursts I mean they engage in all of these behaviors and then they're able to deescalate after it's really important for us to remember they're actually working through their emotional response part of the brain. And then another important part of the brain is that prefrontal cortex, and so when I've worked with teams and buildings, oftentimes what we're asking students to do at the height of behavior is things that are coming from their prefrontal cortex and we know about with when students are in behavior is that their prefrontal cortex shuts down.

Speaker 2:

And so that's the part of the brain that's that executive functioning piece. That's our, that short term memory. That's the part of our brain that processes positive consequences or positive or negative impacts in the environment. That's also our decision-making part of the brain. So if I'm making a decision, what's the long-term impact? What's the short-term impact? And so oftentimes when we're engaging with students, when they're in behavior, we're giving them directives or asking them questions. That is that prefrontal cortex. But really they are such in crisis they're working through that amygdala and that's that emotional part of the brain. And so when we're thinking about de-escalating, it's so important that we meet students with that emotional piece whenever we're trying to de-escalate them.

Speaker 1:

My former co-host. He used to always say the thinking brain and the feeling brain, so I assume those are the scientific words that you're talking about. So do you have some strategies for educators to do this themselves, to use the concept of getting your brain in the right frame to be able to work with students? Do you have some strategies for that?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, absolutely so. I just recently did an article with Edutopia, and so we talked all about what are the best strategies for staff whenever we're encountering students with those big dysregulation pieces, and so one thing I wrote with them was really using what I called the CALM technique, and so it was an acronym C-A-L-M, and so the first part of the acronym was really the C talking about connecting with the student. Was really the C talking about connecting with the student? Because I remember when kids are in crisis, they're going through their amygdala, and that's that emotional response I always tell people think about a really challenging moment in your life where you've just been distressed, stressful moment in your life, and the first thing that you want from somebody is connection, somebody to tell you it's going to be okay, how can I help you, how can I support you? So that's that connection piece. We as humans need to feel regulated or connected to somebody, as opposed to somebody telling me don't worry about your emotions, move on, calm down, go, take a five minute break and come back right, because sometimes we do say those things to kids. So really connecting with our kids and reminding ourselves that they're working through the emotional piece of the brain.

Speaker 2:

The next part of the acronym talks about affirming their feelings. So really taking the time to affirm their feelings, even if we don't agree with them, that's a big one, because sometimes kids get upset about things that we might not necessarily think is a big deal or that they should be upset, or they're upset with a teacher or somebody else, but it's so important in that moment to just affirm their feelings because they are theirs and we want them to honor that. We also talk about the L in calm, which is listening to students. I am the first person to admit I talk a lot and I know that about myself, and oftentimes whenever we're in crisis with students, we ourselves get really nervous and so we might escalate our voice. We talk quicker, we're trying to talk over students, but it's so important that we're really just stopping and we're just listening to the student and what they have to say.

Speaker 2:

And then the last part of the technique that we've really worked with our teachers on is really thinking about the my plan, or the M in calm. So what is my plan as students move back from their amygdala into their prefrontal cortex. That's when we're doing that debrief with students. How can we think about things differently next time? How are we going to change our behavior? Because we're not saying the behavior is okay that they engaged in, but what we're saying is, when you get back into your prefrontal cortex, we need to pivot and think about. Next time you have those feelings, what is the appropriate response? How can we regulate? What does?

Speaker 1:

When you said that about the calm, my husband will often say, just calm down, and I don't want to hear that. In that moment I need time to process things myself, and so I think we need to be able to recognize that, as teachers, that we have to get ourselves under control. So do you think the calm formula is that going to work for paraprofessionals? Is that something we teach to our paras as well?

Speaker 2:

Oh yeah, absolutely. It's really a framework to think about. How can we intervene with students and think about their brain as the forefront of regulation? Because when I go into a situation and I walk in and a student is dysregulated, I've been done all these behaviors and I immediately just start giving them directives telling that they need to clean up right away. I'm going to call your parents if you don't do X, y and Z.

Speaker 2:

That student feels no connection with us and no buy-in to want to engage and join into the regulation with us. That's the part of brain-based regulation. That's different is we want kids to join into our regulation, not continue to cause dysregulation for them by giving them more directives. And I think often, sometimes, people might view that as rewarding the negative behavior. But I don't view it as rewarding the negative behavior because that's the my plan part of the technique, right? We're always going to debrief with kids about their behavior. We're always going to say what are we going to do differently next time and what does that look like for them? And so, yeah, I think this technique can really be used across all multidisciplinary professionals and really thinking about the brain at the forefront of regulation.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, you mentioned that some might see it as giving into the negatives, and I would imagine that there isn't always buy-in from all educators. I can think of some teachers off the top of my head who might be resistant to changing their established routines and their views of behavior management to embrace something like this. So for those teachers who are skeptical or resistant, what practical steps can they take to see the value in the brain-based approaches to behavior management?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I think there when we're thinking about like buy-in to student plans, what I really think about is how can I make plans with teams and students, not just for them, because there's a difference there. I think collaborative is the best approach when we're thinking about building plans for really challenging behavior. We have in my district that I work in, we've really moved to a collaborative process in looking at the function of behavior and behavior plans, and so what I mean by collaborative is the gen ed teacher, the OTs, the PTs, the SLPs. They're all involved in building the behavior plan, because we don't look at behavior through the silo of it's just a behaviorist approach. We really look at it through a multidisciplinary approach and our gen ed teacher is the one implementing that plan. So we really want that teacher's buy-in and input into that plan. And so since we've been doing that as an approach the last couple years, I feel like what has happened is we've seen an increase in fidelity of plans, because it's not just one person making a behavior plan and saying, all right, this is the behavior plan, yeah, right, that doesn't go well and we also want to honor that.

Speaker 2:

There are a lot of barriers sometimes to running behavior plans that are pretty intricate in classrooms, and so we do have to be mindful of those barriers. How can we overcome those barriers? What does it look like? But then also thinking about one person can't just run a behavior plan. That's the collaborative piece of it. So if I'm an OT and I'm seeing a student every week, I need to come in there and have a say in that behavior plan and be able to implement it. I'm a special ed teacher or part professional giving those services. I need to come in and be able to implement that behavior plan and so making sure everybody knows their role at that. And then it's a collaborative input to the plan and doing the plan, because that increases the fidelity of plans being implemented.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I would imagine those general education teachers would appreciate the fact that you are acknowledging that there are barriers to carrying out a behavior plan in their classroom. And so, as an instructional coach, which is what I am, and as a behavior specialist, which is what you are, and then even school leaders, how do you think we can all work together to foster that commitment to consistently implement these behavior plans?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I know I kind of already said we really have moved to the collaborative FBA bit process, but I'll talk a little more about it. Kind of once we've had sign-off or parent permission for an FBA, one of our first moves that we do within five days of doing our permission for an FBA is doing a staffing on the student and in that setting it's staffing. It's the most important meeting where we're aligning. What are we taking data on? How are we taking data on it? Who's responsible for taking data? So we really get into the nitty gritty of that and that's where some of those barriers come out. Right, oh, this data collection sheet is too much. How can we streamline it? How can we do all of those pieces to make it easier for people Really assigning who's going to be involved in the process, who's going to do observations, who's going to do surveys, and so that's really that collaborative input process so that everybody is implementing their piece of the plan.

Speaker 2:

As we go through the process and even after we finalized a behavior plan, we're always doing checkpoints to check on the implementation of the plan for that fidelity piece but also, again, problem solve those barriers because we could think we made the best plan in the world and then six weeks later we're like, oh my goodness, this is not working. We need to come back to the drawing board and change it. But sometimes things get lost in translation when we don't set those intentional checkpoints to come back in and revisit plans. And so we've tried really hard within the past couple of years that every six to eight weeks if we have a student with a really intense behavior plan, we're coming back and checking in on it. We're checking in on the teacher offering that support.

Speaker 2:

And how can we change or adjust pivot things? I think also from a leadership standpoint, what's really been pivotal for our teachers is modeling solution-focused conversations about behavior. And so when you have teachers who are coming to you in desperate need of help with the behavior and they're really struggling, how are we modeling for them that, as a leader, I'm thinking through. How can I help you develop a solution?

Speaker 1:

Because we are really good at admiring problems, but sometimes it's harder for us to come up with a solution, like you say, admiring problems instead of a complaint session. You framed that very well. Yes, so do you have like a success story where staff have bought into the behavior plan and it has significantly changed a student's behavior for the better? Yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 2:

I feel like I could share so many success stories.

Speaker 2:

I'm really thankful to work in a district who, over, I would say, the past five years, really changed the mindset and perspective about behavior for students and changed the narrative of what behavior means for us as a district, and so I can tell you about all of the success stories.

Speaker 2:

I think when I think about all the success stories, what really came to my mind was you can develop the best behavior plan in the world with all the best strategies, with the most evidence-based instructional pieces. But at the end of the day, the kids whose behaviors changed that I've worked with is because they had a human behind the behavior plan running it with such positive outlook and intent for that student. They really believed in that student that they were going to make the change. They encouraged them every day. They were so positive, they celebrated the small victories. And so I always tell people sometimes it's not the plan that changes behavior, it's the human behind the plan that changes behavior. When I believe in the student that they are going to do well, they're going to achieve, they're going to overcome some of those barriers, kids start to believe it in themselves too.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I think that's important to recognize that it's not a piece of paper that's going to solve a problem, it's a, it's a real human behind it. So, sam, you left a quote when we were doing our, our collaboration. Do you want to share that quote with me? Oh my gosh, do you want to share that? Let me say, let me say it again so, sam, you shared a quote when we were doing our collaboration. Do you want to share that quote with the, with the listeners?

Speaker 2:

were doing our collaboration. Do you want to share that quote with the listeners? Yes, absolutely. I am a quote person and I feel like, yeah, I like to live by quotes because they really do anchor us in our beliefs and what we believe about students, and so I love this quote. Anytime we do our de-escalation trainings, I always share it with staff. But the quote reads I've come to a frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element in the classroom. It's my personal approach that creates the climate. It's my daily mood that makes the weather. As a teacher, I possess a tremendous power to make a child's life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration. I can humiliate or heal. In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis will be escalated or de-escalated and a child humanized or dehumanized.

Speaker 1:

And that's from a. He was a school or a therapist child therapist so he really helped with parent rearing and put it up there. But I have seen it before and it is very, very powerful, very profound. So, sam, do you have a resource or a tool that will help educators further understand and implement these strategies, just something that can guide them in taking these concepts into their classrooms effectively?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, absolutely so. I know I had mentioned I had done an article for Edutopia on the calm technique, and so that's on their website. If you search my name on their website, the article is all about using the brain to deescalate, or what we know about the brain to deescalate. So a lot of what we talked about today out which could help you in creating your next behavior plan or thinking about different strategies, and so it's 125 behavior strategies to include in your next behavior plan. So I've categorized strategies into different categories, from reinforcement ideas to ways to build community around kids, things that we can do in an environment to help change behavior. So, yeah, 125 strategies. I was so excited to put that together, so I think that would be a really helpful tool if you're working on some behavior plans.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, just, and this wasn't you know, in our collaboration we didn't discuss this. But do you write your behavior plans within the body of the IEP or do you write them separately Within the body of the IEP? Okay, I've heard very conflicting messages on that, because if it's in the IEP, then you can't change it as often as you might want to, and so I was just wondering your thoughts on that.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, ours is within the body of the IEP. We always have the option in Indiana to always do a revised IEP, and so that makes making the changes a lot quicker and simpler. So, yeah, that works to our benefit.

Speaker 1:

Well, sam, this has been so interesting and incredibly informative. Thank you for sharing your expertise and your insights on such an important topic for special educators. I think it's something that we all experience within our classrooms, and I've done different podcast episodes on this before, but it's just something that we're all dealing with and it will. I feel like your advice will resonate with the listeners and help both new and veteran teachers apply these techniques in their own classrooms. So can you share where we can find you if we want to learn more?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, absolutely so. I am at the edqueen on Instagram, facebook and TikTok. I'm also on Teachers Fade Teachers at the edqueen as well.

Speaker 1:

Right.

Speaker 2:

Well, thank you again for joining us today. Thanks so much, jennifer. I had a great time talking with you, me too.

Speaker 1:

Okay, that was perfect. I don't even know if I have to, just maybe edit myself out once or twice.

Speaker 2:

But Perfect, I know I love doing podcast. I love the chatting aspect of it. I'm like I could chat all day. I love doing podcast. I love the chatting aspect of it. I'm like I could chat all day.

Speaker 1:

This is great. Yeah, no, for real. On the behavior plans, we in Kansas we well at least in my district we don't. So I live in Oklahoma, I drive across the border to Kansas to work. We don't do like amended IEPs. So if we're going to have another IEP it's a full blown IEP. So that's why we've been taking our behavior plans out of that and just making it its own separate entity kind of thing.

Speaker 2:

It's a terrible system. Yeah, we can do a revised IEP and we even have the option to do a revised IEP without a meeting. So I can shoot a parent an email and say, hey, we're going to add in these strategies. Can I do, you know, put in an IEP and send it home to you and, as long as they agree, we can just say revise IEP without a meeting. Oh, that's frustrating. It's a thing. Yeah, oh goodness. Well, we're about ready to move to another, a new IEP platform. What do you use now? Right now, we use it's called IEP. Use now, right now we use it's called IIEP Indiana's IEP platform. But I think PowerSchool has an IEP platform. I don't know if you're familiar with it.

Speaker 1:

I'm familiar with PowerSchool, but not their IEP part of it. We use WebKids. I think it's a regional thing.

Speaker 2:

Okay, yeah, so we're supposed to be moving to the PowerSchools. We have PowerSchool as a district. We're supposed to move to the IEP of power school next year, which will be a huge change for us because we've been using our current system for ever since I've been in our district, so it's 15 years into it, I would say.

Speaker 1:

What are you all digital or do you do paper? It's all digital. Ours is paper still paper. Oh wow, I mean, it's all digital. Ours is. Ours is paper still paper. Oh wow, I mean, it's digital. Yeah, but we print the papers and give to the parents. My daughter teaches in a district in oklahoma and they're all no paper, everything's digital.

Speaker 2:

They sign and everything on yeah, we I mean we'll still print paper if parents want it, because a lot of our parents still do and I get that's not a big deal but it has moved to like all you could do all digital signing and all those pieces too. So, yeah, I think it'll be a big change next year. They're always changing something.

Speaker 1:

Always All right. Well, thank you so much. I think I'm going to. I told you September, but I think I'm going to move it to May. Ok, yeah, yeah. So I'll just, it'll probably be the second or third week in May and then I'll. I'll let you know when it goes live and you can share it. I'm not a social media person very. I mean I'm on it but I don't post like I should as a, as a business owner. That is not my cup of tea, but you can share it out however you want.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, perfect, I will. I will definitely share my Instagram page if you don't mind. I typically always put it in my newsletters and things like that, so I'll send it out on that too.

Speaker 1:

So that's great, and I'll put all those links in the show notes.

Speaker 2:

Perfect.

Speaker 1:

Awesome, well, thank you. Thank you, nice meeting you you too, bye, bye.